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4 Ways of Hearing Messages

Jackal Ears In

We listen to and believe the judgements made about ourselves, and continue to circle around the judgement loop.

“I can’t do anything right.”

“No one really wants me.”

“I have such a long way to go.”

Jackal Ears Out

We listen to and believe the judgements made about others, and continue to travel around the judgement loop.

“To be a (x political party members) you’d have to be racist.”

“She’s only speaking up to make herself feel better.”

“(x spiritual group) people are so woo-woo and out there.”

Giraffe Ears In

In a challenging moment, we pause, get curious, get quiet, and turn inward to listen for our own feelings and needs.

First thought: “I’ll never be good enough.” *Pause, ears in.*  “I’m feeling so fearful and alone, and I’m wanting to trust that I belong.”

Giraffe Ears Out

When we hear something we do not enjoy, we notice our inner reaction, and pause to see if we’d like to connect with this person. If the answer is “yes,” we pause, get curious, and listen for feelings and needs.  If it feels supportive, we may offer a guess.

“When you said ‘you’re the expert,’ I’m wondering if you were feeling irritated, because you were wanting to be seen and valued?”